Leading doctor calls for changes to rugby laws
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Scrums to be gotten rid of? |
Posted July, 2006
A leading British doctor has called for dramatic changes to the laws governing rugby union in an attempt to lower the risk of injury that the game carries.
Doctor Jim Burke has shocked the rugby world with a new set of proposals which he believes should be adopted by the International Rugby Board.
The report follows hot on the heels of a plea from another doctor, James Bourke, no relation (see original news story), who recently called for an end to contested scrums in rugby union.
Burke, a consultant general surgeon at King’s Medical Centre in Nottingham, believes that rugby must change to protect young players from potentially suffering serious injury.
‘I realise there may be resistance to the proposals,’ said the doctor, who is an honorary medical office at a local rugby football club, ‘but we cannot continue to allow young men the free will to choose to play the sport they wish to play, in the manner they wish to do so. We must protect them from themselves.’
The full proposals, obtained by The East Terrace’s investigative team, are:
- Tackling to be replaced by new defensive rules. Defender now has to verbally request the attacker to halt his run. Defender has to be within three yards of ball carrier for ‘tackle’ to count.
- Lifting, jumping and throwing banned from lineout for safety reasons. Hooker to pretend to throw ball by carrying it above his head whilst making a ‘whooosh’ sound and placing it directly in the outstretched arms of chosen player.
- Mauling to be replaced by group hug and game of paper-scissors-stone (used to decide outcome of possession).
- Rucking to be replaced by two-a-side game of twister (officiated by referee) carried out over the ball.
- Tries no longer need to be grounded over goal line and now must be simply carried over the line; similar to touchdowns in American Football. This is to prevent injury from players diving to score a try (especially grass-burns on the knees, which has increased dramatically in professional age).
- All playing kit must be covered in four inches of cotton wool and two inches of bubble wrap.
- Rugby games only to be played if temperature is above fifteen degrees. This will lower the risk of nasty colds or coughs for both players and spectators. Similarly, games not to be played in direct sunshine due to risk of sunburn.
- Gradual reduction of players on each team over the coming fifteen years. Each year to see number of players allowed in a rugby team reduced by one.
- Ball to be replaced with soft sphere made from foam.
- Players no longer allowed to wear studded boots and must wear medically approved fluffy slippers.
At press time, Burke had made no comment on whether or not motor-racing, sky-diving, boxing, rock-climbing, water sports, wrestling or martial arts should be banned or subject to legal interference.